Monthly Archives: September 2009


“This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the national oceanographic and atmospheric administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the national aeronautics and space administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US department of agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the food and drug administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US congress and kept accurate by the national institute of standards and technology and the US naval observatory, I get into my national highway traffic safety administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the environmental protection agency, using legal tender issued by the federal reserve bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US postal service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the department of labor and the occupational safety and health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to ny house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log on to the internet which was developed by the defense advanced research projects administration and post on and fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right.”

For Whom the Smell Tolls

I noticed some similarities between my baby daughter’s name, and the name of a famous band. And so this was born:

If the logo survives the vetting process, Spreadshirt will put one of these in the mail to me shortly:


Add these to your reading list

These are some of the odd books unearthed for the Diagram Prize which is awarded each year to the book with the strangest title.

Yes, these books are real.

All Dogs Have ADHD

Baboon Metaphysics: The Evolution of a Social Mind

Beyond Leaf Raking: Learning to Serve/Serving to Learn (Essentials for Christian Youth)

Bombproof Your Horse

Curbside Consultation of the Colon

Excrement in the Late Middle Ages: Sacred Filth and Chaucer’s Fecopoetics

Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself

The 2009-2014 World Outlook for 60-Milligram Containers of Fromage Frais

How Green Were the Nazis?

How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art

Insects Are Just Like You and Me Except Some of Them Have Wings

The Big Book Of Lesbian Horse Stories

Living With Crazy Buttocks

Malformed Frogs

Oral Sadism and the Vegetarian Personality

People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It

The Art and Craft of Pounding Flowers: No Ink, No Paint, Just a Hammer

I Was Tortured By The Pygmy Love Queen

Reusing Old Graves: A Report on Popular British Attitudes

Proceedings of the Eighteenth International Seaweed Symposium

Squid Recruitment Dynamics

The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification

Tattooed Mountain Women and Spoonboxes of Daghestan: Magic Medicine Symbols in Silk, Stone, Wood and Flesh