Category Archives: jargon

Scientology is shiny


A new calendar system!

They brought us into the golden age. It’s about time SOMEBODY did.

Awesome logo!

Why can’t be this organized?

Learn under the glorious tutelage of LRH

This is how you will be processed.

How much worse can the LRH Congress be than the US Congress??

Shades of dictatorship here.

NEWS ALERT: Congress can increase your IQ by 6 times!

If only I could understand the grade chart in the first place…

Can’t… find… Scientology… book…

I finally understand Scientology now. It is an elaborate system whose sole purpose is to promote book sales. Look at the altar here. Books. Everywhere. You authors out there should take notice. Next time you write a book, start a religion.

And now, if organizational emphasis and jargon meant to confuse outsiders aren’t enough to convince you of Scientology’s cult status, then feast on the personality worship:

“I’m looking at you, Suppressive Person. Yeah, you. I know it’s fashionable to make fun of Scientology. But we are the authorities of the mind. Don’t you forget it.”

Attention preclears; do not flub on your auditing procedures.

Please study these items from the LRH technical terminology reference carefully. Professional illustrations are provided to illustrate difficult concepts:


Iris turns three tomorrow, and I came across a “dictionary” of words we started to help translate some of her utterings when she was around two years old:

“shower” = “SHAW-woo”
“flower” = “FLAW-woo”
“blueberry” = “BOO-bay-bay”
“spider” = “sphh-EYE-doo”
“swing” = “sphwing”
“i’m stuck” = “i suck”, or “suck this” (stuck this)
“finger” = “fucka” (funny to hear her say that after one of us tickles her)
“elephant” = “opposite” or “off-o-zit” (no idea why)
“mine” = “mine”, “mines”, or “MY-comb” (we still haven’t figured this one out)
“coos” = “blue’s clues”
“tip” = “trip”
“strawberries” = “stawberries”
“coffee” = “coffeez”
“underwear” = “underpoos”
“diaper change” = “diapoo chain”
“biscuit” = “biksit”
“look!” = “luke!”
“hungry” = “hong-ree”
“elephant”, “opposite” = “off-is-it”

There are probably more that we forgot to write down. She changes so quickly that a lot of these little observations get lost in time. It is amazing how quickly she’s gone from her one-word sentences to more elaborate communication.

Jargon watch

“Hawairish”. Definition by Clint:

And yesterday i determined that the Irish emmigrated to Hawaii. And became the “Hawairish”. And their most common last name is O’Loha.